The Sports Page        

Volume 9, Issue 15         The On-Line Newsletter of the Erie Fantasy Football League              Dec. 29, 2001

Vigilantes, Donikers set to battle

Pavelich and Profio will square off in rematch of '95 title game

One owner is attempting to become the first repeat champion in the history of the league. The other is pulling out all the stops to keep from becoming the Buffalo Bills of the Erie League. This weekend, they'll face off for the right to be called Erie League champion.

Kirk Pavelich's Midnight Vigilantes are shooting for a third championship when no one else in the league has more than one. Sam Profio's Donikers have advanced to the big game twice, losing in '96 to the Psychedelic B's and '95 to Pavelich's Vigilantes. A defeat this weekend would make the Donikers the first team in league history to lose three Fantasy Bowls.

"I didn't think of that," said Profio (pictured right). "Thanks a lot! I hold several prestigious records in the world-renowned Erie League, some of which will never be duplicated. This is one, however, that I will pass on. I do know though, that if I did lose, I would not fall apart like the Punks, quit, later realize my mistake, and then join the weaker conference in hopes or regaining past glory."

Pavelich, who disagreed with Profio's assessment of the All-American Conference, said he's just happy to have the opportunity to play for a third championship.

"I'm not sure how you could call us 'the weaker conference' when it has been eight long years since the King Salmons last won a title for the Browns Conference," Pavelich said. "Regardless, I'm just thrilled to be here after nearly losing to Captain Tripps and the Blockheads in the first two rounds of the playoffs."

Profio said he wants his club to represent the Browns Conference in a similar fashion to what they did during this year's interleague action, when the senior circuit won eight out of 12 matchups, including the Donikers 88-61 victory over the Midnight Vigilantes.

"It's time for the Browns Conference to regain their rightful ownership of the title," Profio said. "We proved earlier this year during interleague play that the boys are back in town. I will follow in the Salmons finsteps by bringing class and maturity back to the title that only comes from the older more sophisticated owners. Women want to be with us and men want to be like us."

Pavelich (pictured left) said much has changed in the football world since the time Jim Damicone's King Salmons won the championship.

"For one, players have gotten away from using leather helmets," Pavelich said. "As for interleague play, our teams simply used that week for what it's worth - an exhibition game. Let's see how the Geriatric division handles the pressure of a championship game."

The Donikers advanced to the bowl by virtue of a 91-73 win over the Gibby's, a 92-67 decision over the Shadow Bandits, and a 108-63 thumping of Stonehenge. The club, which has won four in a row and six out of seven, will be led by RBs Marshall Faulk (264 points) and Shaun Alexander (220 points).

"Obviously Faulk has played a major role," said Profio of his franchise RB who posted 37 points last week. "Some thought he would get hurt again and scoffed at my $20 investment. I have made that back ten times, maybe twenty if things go right this weekend."

In contrast to the Donikers' focus on the ground game, the Vigilantes have found success in 2001 with a prolific passing attack. The team is led by QB Aaron Brooks (281 points) and wide receivers David Boston (174 points) and Joe Horn (168 points). Pavelich earned the right to play in the title game with thrilling wins against Captain Tripps (92-91) and the Blockheads (73-70), coupled with a 91-55 blowout of the Masons. His club was won five in a row and six out of seven.

"After all the trades I made last year to win a championship, it will be nice this year if I can say those three players not only won me a title, but also spent the entire year on my roster," Pavelich said. "An added bonus is that they give me options for next year's franchise player, as Brooks went for five units and Boston went for 15."

The Donikers, who own a 3-1 career mark against the Vigilantes, are primed for revenge considering their only loss in the series was a 103-80 decision in Fantasy Bowl Six. For that reason, Profio said he would get extra satisfaction if his first title came at the expense of Pavelich's club.

"You bet!!" Profio said. "I need some payback!! I owe you big time for beating me in my second bowl appearance. I could take the first one because I was a rookie but the second one would really suck."

Pavelich said his satisfaction will come from beating a worthy opponent, as Profio has collected five division titles and amassed a career mark of 70-34 (.673 winning percentage).

By getting this far, both owners have guaranteed themselves of at least $250 at the Jan. 12th awards banquet. In addition to maintaining bragging rights for an entire year, the winner of this game will also double their final prize payout with another check for $250. Profio said he would like to take his winnings and build it into something bigger.

"I'm going to Vegas baby!" Profio said. "I will take that $500 and turn it into $5000. Then I will spend most of it on loose women with tight asses. I'll send pictures for the respected and widely read Sports Page."

As he has in past years, Pavelich said he will use the cash for various home improvements.

"Thanks to the Erie League, I have a 27 inch television and a recliner," Pavelich said. "I've always wanted a DVD player so it looks like this might be the year. Plus, I've got to do something nice for my family since they're so patient with my 'hobby.'"

Fantasy Bowl 12

#2 Midnight Vigilantes (11-4, 1,369 points) vs. #4 Donikers-DTL (10-5, 1,322 points)

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"It would be my pleasure to provide the mind numbing alcohol that many younger owners will need to
escape from their fantasy inadequacies." Profio again, committing to continuing the tradition of buying a round of drinks at the award's banquet if he wins the championship, even though he'd have to travel from New Hampshire to be present.

"The only bowl I could foresee was the Bonelickers in the Toilet Bowl." Donikers-DTL owner Sam Profio, in response to the question of whether he foresaw an appearance in the Fantasy Bowl when he came out of this year's draft.

"Nice goin' Dogshit: You fumble-fucked around and once again fell into the bone-pile. You know very well there were at least three games you should not have won - two of which were with me - and you still can't beat the Psycho Bees. With that record you could have very well missed the cut. Like I said earlier, you should have went to Vegas before the rabbit died, but it may be too late now! Anyhow bad luck this week! Your nut crackin' Bonecrushin' Geriatric Bud." Bonecrushers GM Dave Bell's response to Profio.

"Pav: You the man! How do you do it? Husband, father, vice principal and Erie League Fantasy Football Commissioner. I have one word for you - Represent. I must say that this year was the best fantasy football season ever! Represent." Fellow All-American Conference GM Jody Barth, wishing good luck to Vigilantes owner Kirk Pavelich.

"D.J., I never studied in your World History class but still I passed. I never wiped my ass but still I kicked yours. See you at the beer fest. Bring the little man Tyler. I will buy him his first beer as the brains behind the franchise LTP. I'm on to you. I'm bringing my little niece to the next draft. Maybe I'll hook her up with Tyler." Barth again, responding to LTP owner Don Jones' comment last week that Barth should have wiped his ass before he showed it to the league. Barth's Blockheads beat Jones and LTP 79-74 to clinch third place in the All-American Conference.

"Profio won't beat the Vigilantes - he should talk to Deuce about what it is like to come in second place again, and again, and again, and again." Gargoyles owner Storm Thomas, winner of the 2001 Consolation Bowl, commenting on Sam Profio and the Donikers.

"Beating Jones for what amounted to his only loss of the regular season - $50. Watching (Shaun) Alexander sit on the bench last weekend - $75. Having the satisfaction of knowing that Jones won't win a championship this year - PRICELESS! Your luck couldn't get any better than it was this year. See you in Fantasy Baseball in the Spring." Thomas again, taking a final parting shot at LTP GM Don Jones.

"I like to keep things professional and above board. I don't believe in belittling (Bryan, this means to degrade someone or thing) my opponent or in name-calling. In other words, I would never say that you limped in or were lucky to even get in the playoffs. I would never say that your team would have difficulty competing in an on-line Toilet Bowl for 12-year-old girls. And, I would certainly never even consider saying anything like your team is so weak my guys are considering this game a bye and will use it to rest up for the big show. I would never say any of that stuff." The transcript of an e-mail sent by Donikers GM Sam Profio to Stonehenge owner Jamie Roush, prior to the Donikers 108-63 victory.

"Pav, I did not lose! The Buffalo Bills lost because they did not review the Peerless Price play and in turn, I got the shaft too. For you owners out there, Peerless Price clearly caught a touchdown pass in the corner of the end zone but of course, the officiating sucks and they ruled him out of bounds. Who do you think was more pissed, the Browns fans or me? Shit! Throw beer bottles? Fuck that! When I found out I lost, I threw the first thing in sight - my fucking cat and then I beat the old lady, then I shot my .40 caliber at some beer cans that belonged to my alcoholic father while they were on top of his fucking dome." The transcript of an e-mail sent by Blockheads GM Jody Barth after learning that he had lost by three points to Kirk Pavelich and the Midnight Vigilantes.

"Warning to the Pole Smokers: Don't ever let me catch either one of you speeding in Macedonia!" Psychedelic B's GM Bryan Vince, a police officer in Macedonia, offering a final parting shot to Titlebound Two co-owners J.P. Dougherty and Brett Harney.

Click here to read the feature story -- ERIE OWNERS FIRE PARTING SHOTS

Click here to read the owner profile story on KEITH KURATKO

Click here to read the feature story on THE EVOLUTION OF SMACK TALKING

Click here to read the owner profile story on STORM THOMAS

Click here to read the owner profile story on JODY BARTH

Click here to read the owner profile story on BRYAN VINCE

Click here to read the owner profile story on JASON GILLESPIE

Click here to read the owner profile story on JOHN THIEM

Click here to read the owner profile story on JOE NUNNEY

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