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Second season starts Sunday

Field of 16 will vie for Fantasy Bowl 12 berth; 3 rookies qualify

Despite a furious rally that brought his team to within 15 points of overtaking the eighth seeded Cosmic Monsters, Joe Nunney and Black Diamond -- along with fantasy studs Marshall Faulk and Jeff Garcia -- will only be able to watch when the Fantasy Bowl Tournament starts next Sunday.

Don Jones' LTP squad hammered Brad Rzyczycki's Cosmic Monsters for the second time in three weeks, 99-46, to clinch the conference's top seed and set up a third contest between the two clubs in the opening round of the playoffs. Despite scoring just 46 points this week, Rzyczycki's club qualified for the playoffs over Nunney's by virtue of a 924-910 total points advantage. Jones, pictured right with co-owner son Tyler, has now won five straight.

"Let's break down the numbers," said Gargoyles GM Storm Thomas. "Six of Jones' wins have come against teams with an 11 - 27 record. If I were a betting man my money would be on Rzyczycki to send Jones' team packing next week. I hope that early season bonus was enough to make him feel good about himself, because that is all that he is winning this year." 

Kirk Pavelich's Midnight Vigilantes won the White Division with a convincing 119-78 shellacking of John Thiem's Masons. Pavelich, who scored 1,113 points on the year (92.75 per game), will receive $100 and the Bryan Vince Trophy, named after the owner with the highest points scored total in league history (1,162 points in 1999). As the conferences number two seed, the Vigilantes will play Matt Rzyczycki and Captain Tripps, who lost 80-77 to the PP Brains this week.

"Pav will again win the fantasy bowl this year," said Gargoyles owner Thomas. "At the rate he is going, we
are going to have to name the damn trophy after him."

Jody Barth and the Blockheads completed a comeback of epic proportions to shock the fantasy football world. Six weeks ago, the Blockheads were 1-5, a full three games behind Keith Kuratko's high flying Atomic Punks. With this week's 98-68 win over the Rat Bastards, coupled with the Punks 90-79 loss to Black Diamond, Barth came all the way back to win the Red Division. His red hot club will face the sixth-seeded Polish Monarchs (7-5, 988 points) and Mike Szydlowski in the opening round. Barth said he owed much of the Blockheads' success to the recent war of words with Lardass GM Will Van Bibber.

"Van Bobber,  I can see it now," said Barth (pictured left). "You're out in the field in your tree stand, with a forty of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and your 12 gauge. You're contemplating 'Do I jump off the tree stand or Shoot myself?'  'JUMP or SHOOT?'  Welcome to the Erie League, and thanks for taking the time to wake up my team to go 6-0 the second half of the season. That's $50 for best record second half and another $50 for taking the Division away from our founding father in fantasy football Keith 'I retire' Kuratko."

The rest of the All-American Conference playoff qualifiers include: the Atomic Punks (#4 seed, 7-5, 1,062 points) vs. the Masons (#5 seed, 7-5, 1,053 points).

In the Browns Conference, Titlebound Two, behind another strong game from WR Terrell Owens, rallied for a 95-87 win over the Bonecrushers to snag the top seed. Despite averaging 84.8 points per game and outscoring seven of the eight playoff teams in the Browns Conference, Dave Bell's hard-luck Bonecrushers failed to qualify for the Fantasy Bowl Tournament.

"I now have a moratorium on ever running smack on the Bonesuckers," said Psychedelic B's owner Bryan Vince. "That freaken' old dude is averaging almost 83 points a game and is 3-9. Plus, anyone that can consistently call Dick Too Limp (Donikers-DTL) a 'pile of dogshit' is O.K. in my book. By the way Sam, you ought to thank me for not digging into your retirement fund. At last count, the B's have outscored your squad in five of the eight games since you proposed the bet. It's a good thing I have a special place in my heart for the elderly." 

Titlebound Two, the Browns Conference's top seed, will take on Paul Labonte and the Shadow Bandits, the number eight seed, by virtue of the Bandits 86-78 win over Lardass and the tiebreaker they held over the Long Shots. Labonte edges Bill Long because of an 80-79 Week Four victory over the Long Shots. Titlebound's 1,060 point production on the season was also good enough to earn co-owners Dougherty (pictured right) and Harney a $50 check for high point total in the Browns Conference.

Despite the loss to the Shadow Bandits, Will Van Bibber and Lardass will enter the playoffs as the two seed because of their 83-78 Week Nine win over the Psychedelic B's. They will take on Stonehenge and owner Jamie Roush, the man who introduced Van Bibber to the Erie League. 

Vince, who ran enough smack this year to span an entire career, will guide his B's into the post-season as the Brown Division champ and the number three seed. The B's will play Jim Damicone and the King Salmons, the number six seed, who were 81-63 victors over Stonehenge this week.

"I am glad to see Vinny has made the playoffs for the first time," said LTP GM Jones. "Yeah, I know, mostly from reading his self-indulging smack that he 'won the fantasy bowl.' But was that his team or Joe Nunney's?" 

The rest of the Browns Conference playoff qualifiers include: the Donikers-DTL (#4 seed, 7-5, 1,031 points) vs. the Gibbys (#5 seed, 7-5, 1,024 points).

Eight teams who failed to qualify for the Fantasy Bowl Tournament will instead vie for the Consolation Championship and a check for $75. In the AAC, Nunney's Black Diamond will face Steve Suder's PP Brains while Storm Thomas and the Gargoyles will do battle with Scott Keithley and the Rat Bastards. In the Browns Conference, the Long Shots will square off with Dave Bell and the Bonecrushers while John Blust's Dirty Pigs take on Mike Kuratko's Hostile Omish.

2001 Fantasy Bowl Tournament

2001 Consolation Bowl Tournament

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"I predict that Vince is going to come back at me this week by questioning my manhood or something like that and I have the following message for him: Hey Vinny Bambino, You took the easy way out and ran to the less than mediocre conference. If you were the man that you claim to be, you wouldn't have run away from true competition. Your season is tainted by your fear of the teams and owners in the All-American Conference." Gargoyles GM Storm Thomas, attempting a new approach -- predicting Psychedelic B's owner Bryan Vince's smack talk before it is printed.

"What's up Storm, in a foul mood? Some other dinosaur been eating the leaves off your trees? Or is it the fact that your sorry ass excuse for a team is 4-8 and averaging a robust 66 points a week? That is the difference between you and I. Well besides that my smack is actually funny and  I back what I say up." Vince's actual response.

"I've racked my brain over it all week. What is the sense of co-owning a team? I don't think anyone has ever won a championship as a co-owner. One guy is always deadweight. For Pav, it was Brad. For Jones, it was Suder. JP, it's obvious that you are the brains of the outfit. Harney is just hanging around riding your coattails. You don't need him. Look at the history of the league and when the season is over I hope you take the steps necessary to get rid of the deadweight." Thomas again, providing his two cents on the idea of co-ownership to Titlebound Two GM's J.P. Dougherty and Brett Harney.

"In response to the Gargoyles statement that I am riding the coattails of JP - the answer is yes. The Browns owners allowed JP to come in and exploit the draft. Meter Maid (Bryan Vince, police officer) this means JP came, saw, and took the best players in the draft right under your nose. Thomas - this is the second season I have been involved with you and in both cases you measure up to the typical L.A. football team - invisible!" Titlebound Two co-owner Harney, responding to the above comments.

"I do not know who is spreading the rumors that I was willing to dump the last two games to stay away from Black Diamond. But I did come out and score 99 points, again with an overachieving group of players. There is no ducking anyone here. Haven't you guys ever heard of a 'psychological game.' I mean come on, I learned how to play that game from Storm. He has to be trying to play 'psychological games.' What else would be the reason for all the dumb ass things he says every year?" LTP GM Don Jones, assuring the rest of the Erie League that isn't afraid of any opponent.

"Pav: Have I secured a playoff spot as long as Joe does not beat me in total points (if we end up with the same record)? All I need is a seat at the table. -- Deuce." The transcript of an e-mail received prior to this week's games  by Cosmic Monsters owner Brad Rzyczycki.

"Pav: It's about 3 in the morning and I just got home from Tinker's Creek Bar and Grill with Vince and I am fuck3ed up. I just checked out the website and I noticeced that you changed the helmets on the right side.  I must say thzt they loook cool. Good job. good luiclk tomoroow. Talk to you later. Ou5t -- keith." The transcript, with spelling and grammar in place, of an e-mail received Sunday morning by Atomic Punks GM Keith Kuratko.

"PAV, Good Morning. It's Barth. I have a question. Tampa's defense scored a touchdown on a blocked punt and they won. The defense should at least have nine points plus the sacks and turnovers totaled up. Please reply. I am sweating my balls off." The transcript of an e-mail received Monday morning by Blockheads owner Jody Barth.

Click here to read the feature story -- ERIE OWNERS FIRE PARTING SHOTS

Click here to read the owner profile story on KEITH KURATKO

Click here to read the feature story on THE EVOLUTION OF SMACK TALKING

Click here to read the owner profile story on STORM THOMAS

Click here to read the owner profile story on JODY BARTH

Click here to read the owner profile story on BRYAN VINCE

Click here to read the owner profile story on JASON GILLESPIE

Click here to read the owner profile story on JOHN THIEM

Click here to read the owner profile story on JOE NUNNEY

CLICK HERE FOR BACK ISSUES OF THE SPORTS PAGE:

• Little talking takes place as owners jockey for post-season position (November 27, 2001)

• Trash talking develops a rivalry (November 20, 2001)

• Trade deadline passes with several owners deciding to stand pat (November 13, 2001)

• GM's come out of the woodwork to answer Vince's trash talking (November 6, 2001)

• Start of second half not kind to Jones and LTP (October 29, 2001)

• Trade offers lead to trash talk (October 22, 2001)

• Browns Conference reigns supreme (October 15, 2001)

• Interleague Play - Round Three Preview (October 8, 2001)

• Veterans Vince and Kuratko fire first shots of the season (October 1, 2001)

• Atomic Punks, Black Diamond jump to All-American Conference (August 11, 2001)

• Erie League set to kick off 12th season (July 8, 2001)